How Hard is it to Book Hong Kong Hotels

Hong Kong hotels are not only expensive but also cancel on you frequently since they give their room to the highest bidders.

I once spent 17 hours booking hotels in Hong Kong, keeping getting denied.

They also charge you the full amount even if you cancel your bookings.

So you have to wait for one booking for one or two hours before you get denied and you can only go on find other bookings.

If you send two booking requests at the same time, they are both confirmed, then congratulations, you get charged the full amount for two hotels when you can only check in one.

And the airbnb owners reply to you very slowly and always relocate you.

Do not travel to Hong Kong unless you planned it weeks ahead.

The accommodation can make you bankrupt.

If you are in Hong Kong, live in McDonalds; if you are in  the US, do not get sick.


Hard Decision

Today I have decided to avoid speaking to my dad and his mom.

I know that he loves me deeply and supports me all the time.

But my health simply cannot afford it any longer,

I do not blame him. I support him. all the time. deep down.

As for my grandma, she is the most toxic person I have ever met. She would make up success stories of other cousins to shame me, all the time. even if I graduated the best university in Asia. It suffices to say that 80% of what she says is made up.

When I took the third place in an exam when I was younger, he would say “how come you cannot take the first place?”

It did not bother me much because I was confident in my grades.

Of course my stress is not all because of them. It is because of many things.

I started having Obsessive Compulsive and Anxiety Disorders since elementary school. I would perform the compulsions repeatedly and lost my sleep during middle school. It was hell. In University and high school, I focused on studying and socializing so my OCD was weakened.

It has gotten very bad since 2017. Very bad, almost suicidal.

I am glad I feel much better and want to live long and prosperous.

My parents started criticizing my looks quickly, and it is not their fault because the entire Chinese society conforms to a sort of standard looking. Otherwise, employers discriminate you, as simple as that. There is no chill. No chill in the working culture here. 7am to 7pm is the norm. Sacrificing health is good and glorifying to your country. All good. Rat Race to the extremes.

I had two severe low blood sugar attacks this year. After I took sugar immediately, I could recover from low blood sugar but could not recover fully until 20 mins later.

My father blamed me for taking my so-called medical conditions too seriously and yelled at me, very angrily, shouting that I have mental problems because I am so nervous about my health all the time. He has good intention, I get it, he wants me to stop worrying. But the only way he knows is getting angry with me. My grandma is exactly like that. I am like that too. I have to stop myself from picking up this habit. I would never forgive myself if I blame sick people. Blaming sick people is the worst thing you can do. The worst thing, ever.

I know he wants to help me. But the way he carries it out makes me feel stressed, humiliated and trapped. Trapped in the perpetual cycle that everything I do is wrong, wether I take care of my health or not.

Everything I do, is, wrong.

I feel intimidated to do things and anxious to avoid criticism, every single fucking day.

Only if I can describe what it feels like walk on the egg shell every day.

I love my father and I simply cannot handle his way of expression. It is destroying me.

I know it is not my father’s fault that he is angry and irritable all the time. He has liver problems and lots of body clogs. I get it why he has a bad temper. I get it, I understand, and I want to help him so much. But talking to him simply cannot yield any good results. As for my grandma, who asked my grandpa to die quickly when my grandpa was combating cancer, simply deserves me to insult her back when she insults me. May my grandpa never meets her in his next life.

Luckily, my mom has always been so nice to me and pumping me with positivity.

My lymphatic system is very clogged now, for several months I have been experiencing a bit of chest tightness. In the recent two weeks, it worsened. I had multiple heart palpitations that woke me up at night, actually almost every other day. I did kidney test, kidney ultrasound, ECG, lymphatic ultrasound, blood test twice and urine test twice and went to hospital for more than eight times. I also went to alternative medicine to receive moxibustion therapy and lymphatic therapy. I now experience short of breaths when I lie down to sleep every day. Now sometimes even when I sit. Winter is coming.

I am monitoring my diet, exercising more, doing sunbathing more and doing lymphatic massage before bed. Just so I can relieve my symptoms and live normal day by day.

My grandma still says I am going to die early because “I do not exercise”.

I have no choice but to try as hard as I can to reduce all the stress factors in my life.

I got off google calendar and switched to paper calendar. I do not take insults any more. I stand up to bullies. I look up my own information.

Most important of all, I refuse to talk to toxic people.

My father comes back home to recharge, too bad I am too weak to be the battery.

As for my grandma who says my aunt deserves breast cancer because she eats smoked foods and my grandpa should die quickly to ease her burden of taking care of him, I say, simply fuck off.

I really wish someday we would be more compassionate and less judgmental.



It is so hard to keep yourself in the world

You know you should not drink much alcohol.

You may even have medical conditions.

But peer pressure.

You may have blood sugar issues and you cannot eat sweet things or fruits.

But people around you keep offering you sweets and fruits and refuse to take your medical condition seriously.

You have to refuse their offerings over and over again.

You do not even bother to explain your medical conditions to them. Because they laugh at your cowardliness.

You are just like “but I love my life”. And “it’s not you who fucking faint on a toilet”.

You would just say “I cannot eat sweet things”.


“I would rather not talk about it”.

Keep your mystery.

Do not open up to people who do not have basic respect for you.

But you have to refuse every day.

How about people who have high blood fat, high blood pressure…

People around them still offer unhealthy foods for them.

I have an immense hatred towards people who try to sabotage each other and who do not take others medical conditions seriously. These so-called “friends” should always be dumped. Always.


This is from an online article I found particularly useful-How to Deal With Someone Constantly in Crisis

Source of this article:


Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks should be treated with the same mindset as someone who has just been launched off their bike into a gravel pit. It hurts, and it’s gross and can be a bit frightening, but it will pass, wounds will heal, and it’s not a big deal, except for right when it is happening.

Getting upset about it does not make it go away. It has already happened, and now it is time to take care of business. Get your partner to a safe space, and start wiping up the blood and picking out the gravel.”

“No matter whether you are with your partner or not at the moment of crisis, these five tips will help get you both through it.

  1. DO remain calm. You are a fucking champion. This skill and these experiences will help you in every relationship, intimate or otherwise, that you will ever have, for the rest of your life.
  2. Don’t ask them to make decisions. They may be incapable of making any at all. Whether it is deciding if they want to go to bed, what they want for dinner, or if they want a glass of water, assume all decision-making faculties have been thrown out the window.
  3. DO take control. This can mean telling them to brush her teeth, put on pajamas, take a shower, eat their dinner, etc. Taking off the pressure of having to make decisions and having the foresight to complete simple tasks like plugging in their phone is HUGE.
  4. Don’t assume they can ask for what they need in that moment. Also, don’t assume you have to be a mind reader. You don’t, just try your best. You know your partner.
  5. DO try the proximal and non-proximal suggestions below if you are unsure of your next step.
  6. Extra special holding technique: Cradling in any form is exceptional; particularly if it allows the one doing the cradling the ability to whisper, rock back and forth in some way, and allows for gentle stroking or petting of the non-sexual variety. Think to hold a baby.
  7. Activities
    • Distractions can be good once the initial episode is over and it is time to recover. Music may be too emotionally triggering. I find cartoons are best.
    • Read to them, anything.
    • Bath or shower.
    • Do not fucking fall asleep. They will hate you forever.
    • Tell them about your day, or a mundane topic. Dumb facts about penguins or elephants work here. Do not expect a high level of participation but they are listening, and they do care. This is super helpful and can be very soothing.
  8. Nourishment
    • Start with a glass of water, and if that is good, move to warm beverages – NOT alcoholic, or super creamy or sugary.
    • Encouraging words, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
    • Breathing together.
    • Make sure they have eaten in the last 3-5 hours.
  9. Activities
    • Be available. You’re in a relationship, and if you were going through stuff, you know they would be there for you. If you don’t want to make yourself available, you probably shouldn’t be in this relationship. Obviously, if you are at work, this is an exception, but don’t decide it’s not your concern. You are partners so act like it.
    • Make a plan. Don’t dwell too much on what is happening but tell them what is going to happen NEXT. Don’t ask for help making the decisions. Take the initiative to make the decisions about what is going to happen with the rest of their day. This will give them something to look forward to and is extremely helpful. Knowing that they will be taken care of is almost as good as being hugged right at the moment.

Post-Graduation: You Have to Accept Life is uncontrollable, one way or another

You have to accept that life is uncontrollable, one way or another.

Exams are probably the most controllable thing in life. You study for it and you get good grades. Unlike investment in people, life choices or even sometimes the stock market lol.

Before graduating university, I generally think that everything is pretty much plannable and controllable coz like, you know, deadlines are not that hard to control coz they have a date. Yet your loved ones do not have a date to get sick. You just never know. Your boss never has a date to get pissed, you just never know.

Right after graduation, I was in a tremendous amount of fear of losing the school life, social life, and the sweet uplifting positive mentality that I had for four years. I lost them anyway.

There was something that I could control. I rented a flat in the best area near my grad studies at Yale. I tried to reach out and socialize as I always did. I always look around when I walk on streets. I got harrassed anyways. Burnt my oven anyway.

I was extremely worried about and had lots of OCD about drug trafficking and robberies on the flights to New Haven. I was tortured to near suicide by those conditions anyway.

I tried everything I could to make things work. Shit happened anyway.

To a point I can just say nothing but “fuck it”; and nothing happened after I said “fuck it”; nothing is gonna happen anyway.

Yeah I am a crazy planner. At uni, I planned all the studies, exchanges, internships, socials and for all the trips to Europe and America. I dealt with all the self-entitled terrorist-detecting immigration officers on their gold medals of patriotism and well-deserved salaries, non-discriminatingly ranging from Asia to Czech to EU to the US. Yeah you can plan everything and make every document ready. You just never know when the immigration officers’ porridge in the morning is giving them sufficient colon inflammation to splash your goodwill into a bunch of trashbin. Sure you can plan. But as long as there are people involved, yeah, our beloved people, things are not gonna turn out the way the way you plan. People, being them bureaucrats, strangers, street criminals or your closed ones.

At one point, you just gotta say fuck it.

Fuck it and just pray.

Or meditate.

You can refuse to believe it in fate.

But you are going to one way or another.


British TV Dramas over American TV dramas

I have to clarify that this is because of the TV dramas that I am exposed to. There is a high chance that I am largely mistaken.

I prefer watching BBC dramas since there is more of a sense of historicity inside, depicting people’s alternative lives in different periods. Whereas US TV dramas are largely either sitcoms or shows about crimes…


Being Rich or being cultured?

Throughout history, since born, people have been trying to sound more sophisticated and cultured. Think about the way that your villagers talk and you have an instant sense of disgust rising inside of you. Don’t deny it, it is true.

We all have this instinct of escaping the poor class and one thing that marks the poor class is their accent and lack of “culture”. So we try to sound as standard as we can and speak as sophisticated as we are able to. It is certainly a sense of escapism.

But assimilating to another culture is insurmountable if you have ever try to live in a foreign country after 22. You can study abroad in a knowledge-based subject such as science, business, medicine etc with leading scores, yet you can never compete with the locals “culturally”. For cultures, accents, languages, and literature are what you can only acquire at a young age.

I have seen people pretentiously trying to speak with a certain accent, I have seen people forcing themselves to read literature that they do not click with just to fit in. And all of these efforts are energy put into the wrong basket. You can never be “like” them enough. There is always something intrinsically different about you. And what the hell is the point to TRY to sound like the high class when your financial situation does not match it.

Let me tell you something: if you rise to wealth through hard work and making wise choices, YOU have the power to decided what is cultural and what is not. People in power decide what is the standard culture. Even if you speak broken English, your employees will still sweat at your presence for you are the one giving them a salary. And discriminating people based on “culture”, whatever that is, is the most stupid thing ever.

So do not focus on how to make yourself sound posh. Build your wealth and become posh. For if you only sound posh, you are gonna have to fall back into the reality and know that you are not part of them anyway. But you can be nothing like them and still be better than them.